sunburnt wheatgrass

This afternoon Enna has her first official promotion test for her orange belt in karate (pictures, and maybe a video to come). As the mom, I’m already clearly more nervous than she is and have the camera bag packed and the video camera charging.

Last week I was given forms to fill out and was pleasantly surprised to see that one was a checklist for her that included making her own bed, putting her toys and dishes away, doing her homework and so on. A second form was for me to evaluate my daughter’s levels of responsibility, self-confidence, relationship with siblings, among other characteristics. The final form was a school teacher’s evaluation and recommendation. I was surprised at this thorough evaluation but appreciated the desire for consistency – karate, home and school – in building my daughter’s character.

Yesterday I told her that after her test, regardless of how it went and as long as she gave her best, that we would go out to dinner to celebrate. She, of course, clamored for her favorite restaurant, that we fortunately also love: Souplantation. Growing up in a family where effort did not matter unless the outcome was first place or a top score or some other measurable achievement, I’ve always wanted to value the effort and encourage my girls to always give their best, regardless of outcome. But as I approach the coming opportunities as my girls get older, I’m finding that this is far harder to actually do. Proactively adjusting my thinking after childhood years of a different way, and figuring out how my own competitiveness does or doesn’t come into play, valuing effort without a “good outcome” is hard for me to accept.

Besides, our society is wrought with placing utmost importance on the final outcome, giving louder praise to those that can get there with the least amount of effort. Teaching my kids the principles of good honest work and giving their best in all situations while others cut in line or have their parents do their work almost sounds like I’m giving in to something. Not that I’m promoting them to cheat or step on others, but how do you teach kids to be savvy and somewhat street smart in a way that protects them? Can you even really teach them or just throw them into the inevitable? Is this the part of innocence lost along the way?

Not to fault my upbringing, but my mom taught me how to be a little street smart, taking advantage of certain situations to get what I needed. To this day I know that I can walk into any hotel knowing that they’ll have a bathroom in the lobby and not be questioned if I look like I’m staying there and not ask. Using my skills in and love for public speaking I was taught to plan minimally and not waste extra effort writing out a full script or note cards. I learned how to tell white lies well enough.

Maybe it’s just figuring out if what we do is for show and for others, rather than for a personal and inner satisfaction. And if that’s enough to live by.